Kitty Richardson pulled up in front of the police station, where Aaron and Ada stood waiting. Her old Chevy let off an enormous backfire, and Aaron Faulkner nearly pissed himself.
"Jeez," he said, as he helped Ada into the front seat, and then climbed into the back.
"I didn't do that, did I?" Ada asked, sniffing the air.
"No, Ma'am. That was the truck," Aaron replied.
"Oh. You're a real nice fella. What do you think about my Kitty?" Ada asked, and Kitty groaned.
"She's something special," Aaron said, and Kitty rolled her eyes.
"You wanna marry her?" Ada asked, and Kitty stopped the truck.
"Stop, Grandma," she said, trying to keep the anger from her voice.
"I am merely looking out for you, Kitty. I am not going to live forever, and I cannot imagine leaving you with Helen."
"We'll be fine," Kitty said, putting the truck back in gear and pulling into traffic.
"I just think you should have a husband," Ada said.
Everyone jumped as another backfire sounded.
"That one was me," Ada said, and Aaron laughed out loud.
"I don't need a husband," Kitty said. "I'm fine just as I am."
"You ain't gettin' any," Ada said, and Kitty stopped the truck again. Aaron Faulkner inhaled sharply, and felt the heat rise in his face. He calculated the distance back to the store, and wondered if he'd survive the walk.
"Grandma, please. That is none of your business."
"Women have needs," Ada said thoughtfully. "Hmm," Ada added, scrunching her face. "This woman needs to use the bathroom."
"Jeepers. Can someone crack a window. My cranker is broken," Aaron said, covering his face.
"There's pills for that now, son," Ada explained, and Aaron laughed nervously. Kitty opened her window and pulled the truck back into traffic.
"Dear God give me strength," Kitty moaned.
"Oh boy. I have to go all right," Ada said, fidgeting in her seat.
"While we're on the topic of crap, what kind did you tell the deputy? He wants to talk to me at the store tomorrow and he told me not to leave town," Kitty said, sounding tense.
"I told him about the night at the store. Out back," Ada said.
"You told him WHAT?" Kitty said, stopping the car so fast Faulkner nearly flew through the windshield.
"What night?" Aaron Faulkner asked, from where he half lay on the armrest in between the bickering women.
"Grandma, what did you tell them?" Kitty demanded.
"Please. I really have to poop," Ada whined. "You know me, you know I can't hold it."
"I'll stop at McDonalds," Kitty said, swinging a U-turn so forceful, Faulkner almost flew out the back this time.
"McDonalds sounds great," Aaron Faulkner mumbled, figuring he could make a run for it He'd situated himself again in the back seat. He rubbed his neck, and checked his shoulder for dislocation. He found himself miraculously unscathed, but he knew his luck would eventually run out.
"He thinks you're a murderer," Ada said, and Kitty went pale.
"Why would he think that?" Kitty asked. She hit the gas pedal, and Faulkner grabbed for the handle above the rear window. It was missing.
"Can you slow down?" Aaron Faulkner squeaked.
"No. She's gotta go," Kitty replied.
Faulkner rolled into a ball, and wedged himself against the back of the passenger seat.
"I told him you dug a hole to bury something, and he assured me if something was there, he'd find it. I told him about Helen," Ada admitted.
"Why?" Kitty asked. Faulkner searched the night for any sign of the golden arches, but nothing yellow pierced the black ink around them. He began to pray, wondering if he'd survive.
"Maybe we can find a way to pin the whole thing on her," Ada quipped.
"That's horrifying. You two have to stop this insane fighting. Mom means well, she's just a negative nelly, and a lot of bad things happened to her in the eighties. You prance around dressed like Madonna, and it's a constant reminder to her of the worst decade of her life."
"I can't help it, Kitty. The eighties were the best years of my life. You were my sidekick, all braces and zits, toting that stupid flute around and playing that Smurf tune until I wanted to take that instrument and beat you to death with it," Ada said, sounding nostalgic.
"Well, thanks for not killing me, Grandma," Kitty commented.
"You're welcome. I could control myself a lot better back then. Can't really control anything anymore." Ada let one rip and Kitty chastised her.
"That's gross," Kitty whined.
"Sorry," Ada mumbled.
Faulkner plugged his nose and tried to make himself invisible. He crammed himself further into the tiny space behind the seat for added protection. He felt like he was on the drive from hell with the Manson clan.
Were they all murderers?" Faulkner wondered.
Or just Kitty.
"Aaron? Where'd you go?" Kitty asked, sitting up higher and searching the rearview mirror.
"I'm down here," Aaron Faulkner said from his hiding place.
"Why?" Kitty asked.
"Because I'm scared shitless," he replied.
"Oh, for God's sake. Be a man," Ada said, trying to turn to peer at their passenger.
"Why are you scared?" Kitty asked.
"Because you're a couple of maniacs, talking about murder and such," Aaron explained. "And you're a very bad driver."
"Am not," Kitty barked.
"We all have our faults," Ada remarked.
"I agree. I drink. Alone. In my mother's basement, and sometimes I grab a little bit at lunch. That's a lot different than murder," Aaron said. His voice was partially muffled by the back of the passenger seat.
"Now look it!" Kitty said, her voice rising. "No one killed anyone. We are NOT murderers. Mom isn't a murderer and neither is my grandmother. This entire thing is getting way out of hand."
"I ran over a squirrel right before they took my license away," Ada said.
"Shut up, Grandma. You're not helping. And for the love of God, stop it with the farting."
"Sorry," Ada mumbled again.
Aaron Faulkner relaxed and carefully removed himself from his hiding place behind the seat. He gagged, and knew if he didn't come up for air, he might actually die. He stuck his head out the window like the family dog, and breathed deeply. Despite the horrors he'd endured in the past two hours, he liked this girl, thought she was pretty cool, but he couldn't risk getting involved with someone who might be wanted by the police for something SHE might have buried behind the store that HE might eventually set fire to. Faulkner was sweating profusely, and really needed a drink. Finally, the arches appeared ahead.
One mile later, Kitty pulled into McDonalds, and Ada exited the vehicle like someone half her age. She half ran, half staggered to the rear door by the rest rooms. Faulkner was left in the Chevy with Kitty the felon.
"Did you kill someone?" he asked, and Kitty turned.
"Of course not," she replied.
"So, you're not gonna kill me?" he asked.
"Of course not," Kitty said, flashing a huge grin.
"What's buried out back?" Aaron asked.
"I can't tell you that," Kitty whispered.
"Why? Is it that JJ person?"
"If it is, I have no knowledge of that. I don't know what happened to JJ. She's officially missing, or so the story goes," Kitty explained.
"She's not in your basement?" Aaron asked, and Kitty laughed out loud.
"No."
"And you didn't kill her?"
"No," Kitty said softly.
"Good."
The Chevy got quiet. Kitty stared out the window. Faulkner mopped his brow, stared at the yellow sign, and tried to imagine over a billion burgers. The thought was nauseating.
Ada emerged from the restaurant with the back of her dress tucked into her knickers. Kitty rolled her eyes, chuckled, and exited the truck. Faulkner got out, too.
"Your skirt is tucked into your undies, Gran," Kitty said, and Ada turned around and tried to look.
"I'll be damned. Thought I felt a breeze," Ada said, righting herself within seconds. "Let's get a Big Mac."
"I'm a vegetarian. You know that," Kitty said.
"So am I," Aaron Faulkner offered.
"Well, terrific. You two have a great future making tofu burgers together. For now, I need to be fed. What happened in there about wore me out. Must have been the nerves. Interrogation looks a lot more interesting on the Criminal Minds," Ada explained. "Sure is different when it's you. Sends your bowels into absolute chaos."
"There goes the appetite," Kitty groaned.
"I don't know about that," Aaron commented. "I could eat."
"Let's go in. We can plan a wedding," Ada remarked. She took off toward the door, leaving Kitty and Aaron standing in the glow of the parking lot's single light.
"Should she eat that?" Aaron asked. "I mean, at her age, is it good for her?"
"Not really," Kitty replied.
"So, what are you gonna do?"
Kitty smiled devilishly. "I'm gonna buy her two of them."
****************
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